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Boba is a Killer

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Hi? [Friday, August 28th, 2009]
Holy shit. It's been awhile since I posted on here. I had completely forgot about my livejournal. I'm shocked people are actually still using this since blogs have taken over the internets replacing online journals.
So many have changed and some have not changed at all since I abandoned my beloved rant-o-rama universe that is my livejournal.
I moved to Anaheim about a mile away from Greg's house.
Got a new job.
Those two are probably the only major positive changes. Other than that, my family situation is the same..or worse even. I don't speak to my younger sister anymore because she is a selfish hoe. My mom's unemployed loser boyfriend moved in with my mom at the old apartment. She still asks me for money.

Whatever DGAF.

The End.
COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

I don't know [Wednesday, October 1st, 2008]
[ mood | worthless ]

I don't even know..about anything anymore.
I feel as though I am dreading my life everyday. My family is sad. We don't communicate..and when we do, it's about money.

I started taking an art class at Moorpark college hoping that it might shine a little positive light on my pathetic lifestyle during the week, but no. I realized that it was something I do not want to do. It made me sad to realize that something I once enjoyed is no longer there. My options are now limited.

I'm losing it.


I have no purpose in life. I don't know what I want to do. All I want to do is get out of this mess. I wish that things were normal. I wish my parents were like mother and father I can look up to. I wish for so many things.
People tell me that I should just leave but how am I going to leave my mom who can't handle her shit?! It would be too heartless and I cannot live with the guilt.

Everything sucks because of money.

I've lost interests in many things because of my living situation. I can't have fun like I used to anymore. I'm bitter. I'm cynical. Apathetic.
I don't feel connected to people I felt close to anymore. I'm out of the loop.
I'm out of the circle. I'm out of life.


I wish I could die so I don't waste this crowded Earth's space with my worthless presence.

COMMENTS:1 (read post add edit)

I've missed you Livejournal [Monday, September 15th, 2008]
[ mood | tired ]

I got a new phone.


It keeps me entertained all day.



Only 7 more months 'til I am free.

COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

Swirley Twirley Downward [Tuesday, May 27th, 2008]
[ mood | hopeless ]

I've already given up on having a father. Is it so much to ask for a mother?
I don't want to complain. I need to be strong, but how long can I go on living like this?
I'm only 24 but I already have 2 full grown adults and a soon-to-be-teenager to take care of.

How did I end up here?

I have no friends.

The only person who has been supporting me is Greg and he lives 70 miles away.



...

COMMENTS:8 (read post add edit)

Hi [Tuesday, May 13th, 2008]
[ mood | determined ]

Today is the day.

COMMENTS:1 (read post add edit)

Getting through the Hump Day [Wednesday, February 27th, 2008]
[ mood | anxious ]

Why does it seem like every day gets harder and harder?
I don't know how to get rid of all the negative thoughts that keep attacking me. I could barely get through the day without feeling like I'm going to collapse. Maybe I should put my new medical benefits to use and go see a doctor. I keep telling myself to go see one but seeing my mom go through her experience, I haven't been able to even take the first step.

I choke every time I try to talk to my family when I'm at home. Everyone thinks I'm upset all the time. Sometimes I want to be alone and sleep all day so I can escape into my dreams without hurting myself emotionally. Typing out this crap may be annoying cuz it's redundant but it's somewhat therapeutic...

I always feel bad for Greg for putting up with me. I don't get as depressed or crazy when he's around me. He kind of balances me out with all of his positive energy.
Oh boy. Does this mean that I am too dependent on him?



Out

COMMENTS:3 (read post add edit)

Update [Monday, February 18th, 2008]
[ mood | intimidated ]

Hi. Livejournal has been kind of whack ever since it generated bunch of nonesense drama. Kind of.
I don't even like to go online as much anymore.

I'm sitting here at Panera in Newport Beach waiting for Greg to finish up his group project.


This weekend was lazy. We didn't do much. We don't really do much at all anymore, but I don't mind sitting at home cuddling n shit. It's nice.
My friends have been flakey. Sometimes I don't feel like I have friends at all.
I never wanted to become one of those girls who doesn't hang out with anyone else but their significant others but I am starting to become that person. Maybe I haven't been a good friend.

Greg is cute.
He bought me a little doggy and a bottle of champagne for Valentine's day. My first official Valentine's gift ever. We went to see Kid Koala, Cut Chemist, and DJ Shadow at the House of Blues in Downtown Disney. I thought Kid Koala put on a way better show than Cut Chemist and DJ Shadow. It was definitely the best Vday ever tho. Tight.

Today is the end of my 4 day mini vacation. I don't want to go back to work. Ever.


Love,
Mayumi

COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

Sup [Thursday, December 13th, 2007]
[ mood | amused ]

COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

Countrywide Ruined my Holidays [Thursday, December 13th, 2007]
[ mood | cynical ]

Thanks to CW mandatory overtime, I won't be spending time with Greg on New Years. I guess it's not as big of a deal as I am making. I've already stressed out about it enough and even made Greg upset last weekend. It still kind of saddens me a little because I know I would spend the New Years with him if he had to work overtime or whatever. I'd be more DGAF about work if I didn't have to worry about taking care of the family.
Shit.
I'm kind of giving up on going to Art School too now. My mom is sick and she is too dependent on me..I can't leave her.

This is my life.
Work.
Eat.
Sleep.
Well at least I get to go out on weekends. That's coo.


Today's Greg's birthday and I won't even get to see him.
Oh well.

COMMENTS:3 (read post add edit)

Fat TUesday [Tuesday, November 27th, 2007]
I decided that I need to make some major changes in my life. Most of the time I spend here in Moorpark and at work is kind of putting me down even when I try to stay positive. it's hard to be in a place where it limits me from growing as a person. I sent out my information to Art Institute earlier this month and they have been trying to contact me. I'm going to look into the place and talk to my mom so I could move out closer to the school.

I'm tired of being nowhere and going nowhere.
COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

This ugly world [Monday, November 26th, 2007]
[ mood | aggravated ]

OMG why the fuck does everyone think that they are fucking fat?!?!?!!?


Ughhhhhhhhhhhh I am sorry but complain about it when you're fat like me ok. fuck dang fuck fuck fuck srsly. goddamn..
You can't complain about how fat you are unless you're as fat as this kitty.



Anyway.
I love my friends soooo much. I know I probably haven't been a good friend.... I have some co-workers who are still young and married and they say that they don't have any friends. All they have is their family. I don't want to become that someone who is stuck with the boyfriend all the time. Meh. I wish everyone could be happy with what they have including myself, of course.
Why does it have to be so hard??

I love you guys.


This world is such an ugly place... :[

COMMENTS:2 (read post add edit)

Happy Thanksgiving rants [Thursday, November 22nd, 2007]
Hi livejournal. Happy Thanksgiving..or not rather.
Last night sucked major fat testicles. Brittany and Lawrence got kicked out of funktion..errr bassrush because the security caught Britt giving drinks to Lawrence. We were seriously only inside for about 10 minutes.


I really hate the way I am.

I might have pissed off Greg right now. He is still out with everyone so I called him and also text messaged him saying something lame.


I don't know...ugh
COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

[Thursday, November 15th, 2007]
[ mood | depressed ]

I wish Keiko would buy her own fucking food.
I wish Keiko would buy her own fucking clothes instead of jacking mine.




Fuck I hate my life in the Moorpark hood.

COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

I found this old photo... [Wednesday, November 14th, 2007]
[ mood | complacent ]

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


I miss those days.







...kind of

COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

[Tuesday, October 30th, 2007]
[ mood | depressed ]

Wow I can't believe I have been neglecting livejournal.
Internet is not as fun as it used to be so I try to stay away from it as much as possible. It makes me go psycho sometimes.

Speaking of psycho.
I think I am getting worse. If for some miracle I win a lottery or money came pouring down my apartment, my life would be much better and I'd be less insane.

I'm always depressed when I am at home. Often times I find myself drowning in despair feeling hopeless and lost. Everyday is pretty much the same.
I really wish I had more money.
I don't think I'll ever be able to live comfortably. I wonder if I'll ever be able to visit Japan. It's been over 10 years since I've been telling myself that I would go back.


ugh.
Why do stupid material shit matter so much. I hate living in this fucked up world america sometimes.

COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

12:25AM [Wednesday, October 17th, 2007]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I hate myself sometimes.









These past few weekends have been great. Greg is great. My friends are great.

I dunno.
I'm PMSing or something.

COMMENTS:1 (read post add edit)

One Two Three Four [Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007]
[ mood | depressed ]

This song has been stuck in my head for days.

"One Two Three Four
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless long nights
That is what my youth was for

Old teenage hopes are alive at your door
Left you with nothing but they want some more

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, You know who you are

Sweetheart bitterheart now I can tell you apart
Cosy and cold, put the horse before the cart

Those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up to one little lie

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, who you are

For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart
For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart



Anyway.
I feel horrible all of a sudden. Today wasn't such a bad day until I got slammed with a petrifying flash back. I'm kind of a hypocrite sometimes but I can't help the way I feel about certain things. Ugh. Gross.
and depressing.

Someday I will finish all my laundry. Who knows if I stay home this weekend, may be that some day might come sooner.
COMMENTS:0 (post add edit)

[Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007]
I kinda want to die right now.
COMMENTS:3 (read post add edit)

Dear my loved ones, [Monday, September 24th, 2007]
[ mood | calm ]

Often times we think of the past and say, "those were the greatest times of my life..", but when I have the moment to take a breath and step back I can honestly say that about the present. I know I complain more than I probably should but I am so lucky to have the greatest friends I could ever ask for and the most caring gentle kind funny lover ever. What would I do without them?


My mom is sick again. She went to the ER earlier today and she's getting hospitalized.

I really hope she will be okay.



Today has been a stressful day but just seeing Greg at lunch really helped me through the day. I don't think I could ever explain in words the way he makes me feel.


My mind is all over the place right now.

COMMENTS:2 (read post add edit)

[Thursday, September 13th, 2007]
Ugh.
COMMENTS:1 (read post add edit)

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